Tuesday, May 29, 2012

You're nowhere near the top five..

Okay, here they are. The five things I've tuned into recently. I think they're about Rob's most recent girlfriend.

One: She eats her boogers. Usually very dry, but also surprisingly delicate on the palate.

Two: She got Summer's Eve feminine wash. She's cleanly and scent free, and if she's having a bad day, she doesn't take it out on other people. She just washes with Summer's Eve.

Three: I miss her smell, and the way she tastes. It's a mystery of human chemistry, but some people as far as your senses are concerned just...taste like Bandana's barbecue.

Four: I really dig how she doesn't shave her thighs. But her calves are as smooth as silk. She's just not affected, I guess..by the chafing the hair on her thighs leave behind. It's really beautiful.

Five: She does this thing in bed before we pass out. She takes 5 & 1/2 Ambiens and rubs her old nipple holes an equal number of times. It just kills me that she took out those nipple rings 4 years ago and she can still put a straw through them to drink her sour apple pucker.

Six: She's always bloated. I really dig a chick that looks like she's retaining water all of the time. Something about ovulating really gets me goin'. Beer only makes this occasion even better.

And she stocks up on tampons, even though she doesn't use them. Ever. It's really cute. And really efficient.

Seven, or Eight, I guess: She eats her boogers. Everyone I know just wipes them under the car seat, but Laura has a real appreciation for the mucosa glands. Never lets one get by without savoring the shit out of it first.

Nine: I'm not sorry for this---her cocaine addiction. Which she thinks I don't know about! If I walk into the kitchen and she's making brownies, she immediately spreads it over the batter so it looks like powdered sugar. But I know what she's doing, and it's adorable. What she doesn't know is...I do it too. There's really no need for us to hide it from each other.

Ten: She thinks abortion is a really really groovy deal.


Those are the things Rob really thinks about what's-her-face. And us ex-girlfriends know. Because we're inside his head. Forever.

Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Excuse me, I was wondering...

Who is John Tesh?

Maybe this is common knowledge...but I doubt it. Even Google asked me if I meant to type something else. You gotta be kidding me, Anna. John Tesh!
I thought for sure I knew where I was going with Anna...until now. When I youtubed John Tesh and all his flowy blonde hair glory, I was at a loss for words. I wanted to call Anna up and tell her she's retarded and that I never want to talk to her again. I can see why Barry hates you so much! Then I thought, no. It's not her fault. Someone wrote this---this character that could adore John TESH (and whoever thought up this character trait should be punched in the face). No, Anna is not to blame. And whether I like it or not I have to embrace her and all her absurdities.
I figure everyone can change over time, right? Unfortunately I can't make time rewrite High Fidelity so that I don't have to pretend to like this jolly green piano player for the next 2 months.
John Tesh. He can't be that bad...or can he. He used to host Entertainment Tonight with Mary Hart. I like her. If she liked John then maybe I could learn to?

I watched some Live at the Red Rocks. Interesting to say the least. I have never seen people so happy to play instruments in my life. It's like this really strange symphonic sex thing going on. Weird vibes. I was very confused. Very.
I looked further into this 6 foot 6 inch Jesus freak and it turns out, he can play the piano really really well! So...he's got that going for him at least, eh?
I'm not too keen on his vocal work. Or his suit colors for that matter. So what in the world can I love about John Tesh?! Don't even get me started on his radio show!
Initially I thought he was fairly attractive. But I'm into that big 80's do. And he's tall. I like that too. He has nice hands. But I'm not sure Anna likes him for the way he looks...

She likes his music. (I wish you could see the distress in my face right now)
Is Anna religious? No. No way. Why would she be in Championship Vinyl if she was looking for Sunday morning sing-a-longs. (Sorry, Mom. Sorry, God) There's just no way. Maybe she's just confused. I think Dick is right about her being into learning stuff, so it won't be a problem. Maybe John Tesh was a real smokin' hottie back in the day...or maybe Anna has just been exposed to terrible music her whole life. She seems curious enough. We'll see where this all goes.

Fact: I thought John Tesh was Mr. Camden from Seventh Heaven before all these shenanigans took place.

After discovering this, I think I can take a breath and chill the eff out:

Nice save, Anna. I think we can all go back to being friends now.

Tuesday, April 24, 2012

This ain't no Coconuts!

I'm a little bit behind on the blogging process for High Fidelity.

My apologies. Honestly, I wasn't sure what to write about. But I usually don't ever know what I'm doing, until I'm actually doing it. So, here I go.

I really wasn't sure of High Fidelity at first. And by that I mean I really didn't like it. This is the book I'm talking about; not the movie (because I've never seen it) nor the stage production (because I started reading the book before rehearsals began and had never been introduced to the show). I had a really hard time getting into High Fidelity, the novel (so we're clear now). Maybe it was because of Nick Hornby's writing style, or maybe it was because it's written with British slang and all around weirdness, or maybe simply because it's written from a dude's perspective (and I do not understand dudes), but I'm really convinced I couldn't really get into High Fidelity solely because Rob Gordon is a big.rolling.turd. Seriously. The guy is a freakin' asshole. And I cannot stand him. With every chapter I read, I just hate him more and more. I haven't finished the book; I'm about 12 chapters out. Though, once we had our first read-through and I started to love Jeff Wright it was easier to read High Fidelity. Probably because Jeff instilled some genuineness? into Rob that I couldn't find before. Nonetheless, I still hate Rob. Maybe I will avoid the movie...

I'm Anna. I'm also Allison Ashworth. Again, I get a chance to display my multiple personality disorder onstage. Lovely for you all. I've got a pretty good idea of who I want Anna and Allison to be, but considering we've only just begun I'm sure those ideas will change quite a few times in the coming weeks.
I like Anna. She is really pretty cool. She's so different from any other character I've played. She's quiet. :)
I like Allison, too. She's probably exactly who I was when I was in 7th grade. That may or may not be a good thing..

Most characters in High Fidelity are fairly small. Rob and Laura are some mongo stage hogs (not literally), but they do take up like the entire story obviously! Which is perfectly fine with me. I love love love developing character. And the smaller my parts are, the more I get to decide who they are. I love the freedom we have as actors to create personality in a role. I get to get creative for 2 individual people this time! Pretty exciting stuff, my friends.

We're moving right along with this show. It's really fun! I really really love it. Not like the book (because I still hate that Rob guy a little too much to ever love it), but this show is awesome! I feel like we're in a giant rock concert all the time. And don't we all wish life was a giant rock concert? As if that's even a question. :)

Our group numbers sound incredible! We all blend so well, and our harmonies are saweeeeet! We girls are boppin' around like the sexy thangs we are. And Rob, Dick, and Barry are retardidly hilarious. And sweet sweet Laura brings us all back together again. I love working with Kimi. I have missed her.

That's all I got for now. I'll be back with more later! Until then.

Wednesday, March 28, 2012

I finally realized it was always you...Terrie?

Well, hi! I'm not sure if I know you...have we met before? I'm Lenora. I used to be Cry Baby's destiny. But now I'm Baldwin's. He's really good at kissing with tongue.
I'm not exactly sure what I'm doing here. There's this voice inside my head that keeps telling me what to do. It's like I can't even think for myself anymore!
I have a nifty suspicion that someone has stolen my identity. Terrie is her name...or at least that's what she claims. She talks alot and is always bossing me around. Everyone tells me I'm crazy for thinking she's there, but I know she is. She's reading my mind. I can't get away from her.

Normally I would only think about Cry Baby. But recently I've been really focused on Terrie. And Baldwin. My mind is just so full of so many things! Sometimes I can't keep up. Terrie tells me that we're friends, but I really don't know her. Other than she's a mind/palm reader. Which, is really neat! She's pretty. I think we look alot alike. And I'm pretty. So we're both pretty. Baldwin said so at the Anti-Cold War Picnic this weekend. We're so insanely in love!
I wonder if Cry Baby ever thinks of me...

Terrie says that Allison isn't so bad, I'm still not so sure though. She's says something about Taylor every so often, but I still have no idea what she's talking about. I don't know any of these people!

I used to only have 2 friends: Morning Glory and Biscuit. But about 2 months ago, I started noticing that more and more people were showing up in my head. Terrie was talking about so many friends that I didn't know I had! If you ask me, I think Terrie might have a mental disease. I figured that out when she wished out loud once that we could have polio WHILE we were AT the Anti-Polio Picnic!...
I really kind of like Terrie.
Everyone in Baltimore keeps telling me she's not real. Because apparently it's not 1954 anymore, according to Terrie. And she told me that we're all for integration! Who knew?! Baldwin tells me that it's not okay. But Terrie convinced me to kiss Dupree! Which was really fun! I only went along with it so easy at first, because I figured it would help me get closer to my beloved Cry Baby. After the first couple of times though, I couldn't resist Mr. Dupree W. Dupree any longer. I had no idea Drapes were so talented. I trusted Terrie with my whole heart and body after that. I love her alot now. I think we're going to be best friends for a long time! Until the Prepubescent Rehabilitation Center for Make-Believe-Pregnant Schizophrenics forces me to start taking those yucky medicines again.
Terrie says they just don't understand us. She says that people with sociological diseases are funny. She thinks I'm funny! We're always laughing together. Terrie makes me happy. She says that no one will ever know a love like our's. But hopefully Baldwin will. I'm so happy we're married now!

I think Terrie is a little jealous...because she keeps telling me that Cry Baby could still be the one. She could be right. We're open to possibilities!

Last night, Terrie made us a strawberry malt. And it was soooo wonderful! I'm glad we like to eat the same things. And I like how she does my hair. When Terrie first showed up in my head, she said that if she could decide what we looked like, I could decide what we think like. I wasn't sure about negotiating with the devil then, but I figured if Terrie was a zombie instead, then I would...so I did.

Terrie seems very pleased with our "work." I'm really not sure what work she's talking about. She keeps saying all these things about audiences and cast members and costumes. I just want to talk about my ant collection. But she will not stop blabbing.

Baldwin has the zircon I stole for Cry Baby on his left nipple. I was really surprised that he could do that. But I really kind of like it too. Terrie said something about him being gay. He doesn't seem any happier than us, so I'm not sure why she keeps saying that. She says alot of things I really don't understand. At least she's funny. She has that going for her, sort of..

Wellllll.....I don't really have anything left to say. I have to go away soon, Terrie says. So she gave me this keyboard thingy and told me to confess anything I had never told anyone ever before. I'm excited! I think she might be sending me to the moon finally. I just hope Baldwin gets to come too.
Oh yea! My confession...hmmmm..
I guess I need to confess that Morning Glory and Biscuit are actually Siamese twins. Neat, huh?! But they're so moody and they have a very wide torso. Terrie told me that's okay and to be nice to them anyway; everyone deserves to love and be loved.

I guess it was nice meeting all of you, whoever you are. Terrie is making me say good-bye now. So...bye! I'll wave to you from the moon! BYE!!!
With love,

Monday, March 19, 2012

I had your baby...I had it dozens of times.

It's been a while since I've updated this old blogger of mine. Sorry 'bout that..I just get so wrapped up in a show! And if you've seen Cry Baby already, then you can understand why.

Cry Baby has really been a roller coaster of a production. Ever since our first rehearsal, I knew this was going to be alot of work. Not just finding Lenora, but being able to keep up the amount of energy necessary to make Cry Baby as exciting as it is. After hell week, I thought I was done for. My voice was shot, I was absolutely exhausted, and I didn't know how I was going to keep up with everyone onstage. But as always, once I see that audience out there I get silly with excitement and my adrenaline forms an endless amount of energy from only God knows where. I blog about this feeling for every New Line show, but really. It's something I crave. It's such a wonderful sensation to experience. Performance. I cannot stand to be without it.

So 9 performances down, with 3 more to go...and I'm not sure how to feel. Honestly, I'm exhausted. But I'm sort of addicted to all this endurance I've built up. And really I'm not ready to say good-bye to Lenora quite yet. Although, I get this strange feeling that she's not going to let me get away that easy. And she certainly isn't going to let Cry Baby get away either. Things'll get interesting come this Saturday, I'm sure. :)

It happens all the time, but every weekend that goes by Cry Baby gets even better. This show really has been a great time. I thoroughly enjoy spending time with my cast and crew in the theatre and out. I've had many a people say to me after Cry Baby that they can't believe I started off my New Line debut as Peron's mistress singing "Another Suitcase in Another Hall," and now here I am throwing myself around onstage actin' a fool as a cutesy crazy pants. I've come a long way as a performer. Something I'm not fully aware of until I'm told. And I'm so incredibly appreciative that I get to come to work everyday just to entertain people. It's a really great feeling to know that Lenora and I have made an impression. I love nothing more than to make people laugh.

I'm not sure if I'll be able to blog again before our show is officially over. So if I don't make it back in time, know that I love you all! and am very thankful for your support in my endeavors (I'm talkin' to you, Mom and Dad). Lenora sends her best!

I'm really gonna miss you, Cry Baby.

Tuesday, February 28, 2012

I'd like to dedicate this song and my body..

This has been one of the most fun "hell weeks" I've ever experienced. I know things are stressful with coming together with the band and adding lots of costume changes and scene changes and blah blah blah. But really, I feel like everyone just melds together during hell week and this one has been like none other. I feel so connected to everyone! and everything! It might be the crazy talkin' to me, but I think this cast is having a hard time hating us, Lenora. :)

Lenora and I have been jammin' alot lately. And by that, I mean I've been listening to my Ipod and we boogie in my kitchen.

This playlist, and our bodies, are dedicated to Wade "Cry Baby" Walker:

Me, Myself, and I---Billie Holiday

Loose Talk---Carl Smith

In the Mood---Andrew Sisters

Why Do Fools Fall in Love---Frank Lymon & the Teenagers

Stairway to the Stars---Ella Fitzgerald

Lollipop---The Chordettes

and last but not least...
I Gotta Know---Wanda Jackson

Only 2 more nights before we open! exciting!!!(said in my exorcist voice, which you will all get to experience soon enough). So I better get on this bandwagon of not breaking character. I really hadn't at all! Even when were still in the church rehearsing still, I didn't break. Until last night....when I finally came onto stage with my "baby."
I have never laughed so hard before. I was seriously crying onstage because of the pain from laughing! I was so high on laughter fumes after that, I could barely say the rest of my lines! Freakin' baby...oh geeze. I don't know how I'm going to keep from cracking once I have 200 people laughing at the sight of me too. It's gonna be hard, but it's gonna be so awesome too. Normally breaking character this far into the rehearsal process would normally scare me. But really, it's the first time Lenora has made me break. Why are you so freaking crazy, Lenora?! You make me so giddy inside. Like a little school girl. Which, I guess..we kind of are.
Anyway! My point is..after last night's rehearsal I am so aware of who we are, Lenora and I. Our crazy is so cute, you won't be able to stand it. I know you'll be wishing for us to get with Cry Baby by the end of it all. Instead of that pinko, Allison girl.

I can't wait for all of us to finally be together, Cry Baby.

Wednesday, February 22, 2012

I'll always treasure that moment.

Cry Baby is so great! Every rehearsal is just way too much fun and I can't wait to start adding all the other stuff like costume changes and lights that suck your will to live and the band and the bushes and the mics! Oh, wow. I get real excited just thinking about it all.
Everything is coming together so perfectly. And as I re-study my lines, it's interesting to see how far we've come. Lenora and I. I mean, the rest of the cast has come a long way too. But this is my blog. So I have to talk mostly about Lenora or Cry Baby, or else she gets angry. Anyway...
Trish, our lovely stage manager, has started giving us line notes. Dun dun dunnn. This happens right before "hell week" starts and basically she sends the entire cast an email listing all the crap we said wrong onstage and what we are actually supposed to be saying. Simple concept, right. But once you've said something wrong for so long, it's sorta hard to flip the switch sometimes. So after I read my "line notes," I flipped through my script to correct my errors but I was immediately distracted.
For those of you who have done shows with me, you know that I am notorious for doodling in my script and score during our "blocking" rehearsals. Well, Lenora and I reminisced our divine meeting last night with these beautiful artist renditions...

I don't know why I've never thought about sharing these with you all until now. I have to give Dupree some credit. He wrote a hilarious blog the other day that included some of his blocking notes and I thought it was such a wonderful idea to show you all what we really do in rehearsal when Scott is looking...
Well, that's really all you need to know about Cry Baby before you come see us next weekend.

See ya next weekend!